Kodigo

Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!

Alimasag

Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango
at nabasag.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!"

GMA

Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...
Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!
Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?
Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya!

Plantsa

Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono.
Aksidenteng na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!

PALIMOS

Pulubi: Boss, palimos po.
Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi?
Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo.
Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko ang nangyayari
sa taong walang bisyo

ALITAPTAP

Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!

SIOPAO

Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao???
Kulas: Oo. 'Yung may papel na sapin Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki??????
Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.

Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's 'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!

PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy
wife!

PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food, American home and Pinoy salary!

Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest

1 binatilyo pumasok sa isang gay bar. Nalaman ng nanay niya at nagalit
Nanay: ano naman ang nakita mo dun na di mo dapat makita?
Binatilyo: si Tatang po gumigiling.

Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon,mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).

Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.

Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na
utak ko
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.

A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo"

Wife shouting.... . "Honey mag-impake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"

Pare 1: 'Pare, magkaiba medyas mo, isang pula at isang azul'
Pare 2: 'Ewan ko nga kung saan nabili ng misis ko ito. May isa pa nga
akong pares na ganito rin ang kulay sa bahay'

Beauty contest.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may sakit siya ako
po yung substitute. .

Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: ' Di ko po kilala.
Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!

Here's 9 stupidest domainnames that we could find, they are all registered and used quite innocently, and are only amusing if u r sligthly smarter than the fools that registered them.. :p

1. if u want to find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.. domain name is :   www.whorepresents.com

2.Experts exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views... www.expertsexchange.com

3. If  u are  looking for a pen, go to pen island at : www.penisland.com

4. Anybody looking for an italian power generator company... www.powergenitalia.com

5. If u need a therapist, visit... www.therapistfinder.com

6. We're not sure what the Mole Station Native Nursery is, but this address is hilarious... www.molestationnursery.com

7. If u r looking for a computer software, theres always ... www.ipanywhere.com

8. The site of some art designer types, clearly not meant to be this amusing.   www.speedofart.com

9. Anyone want to go on holiday to Lake Tahoe...  www.gotahoe.com

smile

sensya na ha.. nadampot ko lang to.. and i really think these are funny

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have  produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home...... maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig.. can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.
Always remember to cherish each day and love like there is no  
tomorrow!..........

guys...
pakipalitan naman layout kung gusto nyo...medyo wala akong time ngayon eh...

mwamwah
miss ko na kayo!
rhey

 

Bugtungan
Patpat mong matigas
Labas masok sa butas,
Pag iyong idiin, giniling-giling
Kiliti and mararating.
Ano ito?............





Cotton buds! Wag daw dumi isip, bad iyan.


-------------------------


Pulis: Bakit mo inihagis ang bata sa bintana?

Yaya: Sinunod ko lang po ang utos ng amo ko.
Sabi po ng amo ko, 'wala na tayong Pampers,
i- Huggies mo na lang si baby.


----------------------------------- ----

What is the most impressive example of Tolerance?


Ah! Golden Wedding Anniversary!


------------------------------

Applicants

2 girls nag-aaply ng work. 1 matalino, 1 bobo

Matalino: Buti ka pa natanggap. Ano ba ginawa mo?

Bobo: Wala. Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko
sa Sex, sure.

--------------------------



Teacher: Write a short story in a few words discussing
Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

Student wrote: "My God! I'm pregnant. I wonder who
the father is?"


-----------------------------


Sensitive Child

1st day in school...

Mom to teacher - Very sensitive po ang anak ko.
Kung kailangan nyo po parusahan,
Sampalin nyo na lang po ang katabi nya.
matatakot na 'yan!

------------------------------


Love and Marriage Cycle

1-2 yrs : magkasalo sa plato

3-5 yrs : tig-isang plato

5-7 yrs : nagbabatuhan na ng plato

8-10 yrs : wala na silang plato

That is what we call PLATOnic love!


---------------------------------


3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :

Bu became Buck

Chu became Chuck.

Fu decided to go back to China .

-----------------------



Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me
i n 6 months.

Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard to find!


--------------------


Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C D E F "?

A - almost gone

B - barelly noticeable

C - comfortable

D - damn good

E - exremely big and

F - Fake

-----------------------


Chalk

Amo : 'Day, ang chalk na ito para mamatay ang ipis.
Gamitin mo sa pader.

Maid : Opo, ati.

Next day ......

Nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader...
"Epes mamatay kayong lahat!"


------------------------------


Katapusan

Lumindol ng malakas noon....

Nagkagulo and lahat at nag-panic.

Sumigaw ang isang lalake..

"Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"

Sumagot ang isa pang lalake..

"Tanga, a kinse pa lang."

 

 

May health happiness and good times...

Greet us each day of the new year...

Happy New Year PLAYSAFE!!!